


Remember the Way

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-22
Updated: 2005-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7092592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wes makes a difficult decision to keep his family safe.  (Lyrics from Mark Wills, "When You Think of Me")</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember the Way

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

_You look so peaceful sleeping_  
You don't know that I'm leavin'  
But I'm gone  
Well I did my best to beat 'em  
But in my head the demons said   
Move on  
When you wake up you're gonna curse my name  
But as some time goes by I hope and pray 

It was the sound of her breathing that stopped him.

He paused in the doorway, looking across the room at her. She lay so peacefully in the bed, a small smile on her lips, her hand on her stomach and her chest rising and falling rhythmically. Her breathing hitched momentarily, the same sound that had caught his attention a few seconds earlier, and he smiled bittersweetly.

The fact that she was in his bed at all still had the power to stun him. He'd never imagined, not after the brush-off she'd given him after he'd kissed her, that she would ever find her way to him. He'd believed that he'd have to resign himself to thinking of her as a memory that never was, a taste of something so beautiful that he couldn't keep it to himself.

Of course, he'd also been preoccupied with Lilah, her death and rebirth of a sort. And his feelings for her, which were enough to confound the wisest of men.

He recalled with vivid clarity the day she'd come up to his office. He'd been working on a case with one of the interns Lilah had sent his way. At the time, he hadn't seen Angel or the others in several days. As he sat at his desk, poring over the research the intern had accumulated, he'd been vaguely aware of a timid knock on the door.

"Hi, Wes," she said shyly.

His head raised quickly, a warm smile spreading over his face. "Fred. What brings you to this wing?"

She shifted hesitantly, still standing in the doorway. "I just wanted to see if you'd like to go to lunch," she said haltingly. "I haven't seen you in ages."

He shook his head regretfully. "I'd like nothing more, but I'm swamped. Jeffrey had a burst of luck and found a surplus of information on that Koagula demon…" He trailed off when he saw how her face fell. "But I suppose I could spare a few minutes," he finished gently.

She shook her head. "No, I don't want to be a bother."

"Fred, you're never a bother," Wesley insisted. He stood up, crossing the room and holding his arm out. She took it, giving him a bright smile.

They'd had lunch that day, and the next, and dinner the night after that. He'd taken her back to the apartment for drinks and she never left.

When they decided to move in together, they opted to buy a house. Their income was substantially more than when they'd been working for Angel Investigations, so they could afford it. He still remembered the look of pride and awe on her face when they'd signed the papers and walked through the front door. They'd christened every room in the house that night, celebrating in their favorite way.

_When you think of me_  
Remember the way that I used to be  
Remember the times I held you tenderly  
Remember the way that I love you 

His smile faded with the memories. His mind cleared and instead of seeing Fred spread beneath him on the floor of what had eventually become his study, he saw her curled on her side, her hand wrapped protectively around her swollen abdomen.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he murmured, the ache in his chest sharpening. "I don't. I never have. And it was only a matter of time until I proved it, to you and everyone else."

His words caused her to stir in the bed. She opened her eyes sleepily and saw him standing in the doorway. "Hey, Wes," she greeted him. She smiled softly and patted the spot beside her. "Come to bed. It's late."

He nodded, running a hand through his hair. "I know. I got stuck helping Merry prepare that brief for Hanson."

Fred shook her head. "They should know better than to work you so hard," she insisted. "Don't they know you have a pregnant girlfriend to fuss over?" she teased.

His lips quirked briefly. "Somehow, I think my personal life is of little concern to Hanson. He only gives a damn about making sure he has every bit of information in his arsenal as possible."

Fred snorted. "No wonder he's single." She sat up a little, the nightgown slipping off her shoulder. The knot in Wesley's throat made it difficult for him to swallow. "Come here. Cole is really active tonight," she said, her eyes sparkling. "I had to rock in the rocking chair for almost an hour before he calmed down, but he's still kicking a little bit."

_I think about the night I met you_  
I swore I'd never forget you  
Well, I won't  
I think about the way you'll live and breathe  
Inside my dreams forever  
Well, you'll be better when I'm gone  
You'll be better when I'm gone  
'Cause I know you're gonna fall in love again  
I'm sorry this is how it has to end, but… 

Wesley moved over to the bed, sitting down and placing his hand on her stomach. He could feel his son moving inside, and his heart swelled with love and pride. His fingers curled, clenching her nightgown between them.

With a move that surprised her, Wesley slid a hand around Fred's neck and pulled her to him for a kiss that was almost desperate in its intensity. "What was that for?" she asked in bewilderment when he pulled away.

He smiled briefly. "I just wanted you to know how much I love you. You and Cole both. You've given me more than any man has the right to ask for."

_When you think of me_  
Remember the way that I used to be  
Remember the times I held you tenderly  
Remember the way I love you 

Fred's eyes misted with tears. "I love you too, Wes," she said softly. She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. "I'm so thankful I asked you to lunch that day. You've changed my life."

His smile faded. "Go back to sleep, Fred," he said gently. "You need to get your sleep. Pretty soon, you won't be sleeping through the nights."

She lay back down, giving him an impish smile. "Oh, don't you dare think that you're going to worm your way out of getting up with Cole when he cries at night," she warned as she closed her eyes, the smile still lingering on her lips.

He didn't say anything as he held her hand, his fingers wrapped around hers, watching her as she fell asleep. The even rise and fall of her chest assured him that she slept soundly.

_As I pick up these bags and turn around  
I say a little prayer and hope somehow_

_When you think of me_  
Remember the way that I used to be  
Remember the times I held you tenderly  
Remember the way that I love you 

Carefully, he extracted his hand from hers and stood. His eyes swept the room with quiet resignation before he turned around and walked away for the last time.

*****

Fred woke with a start. She realized it was because her stomach was being used as a kettle drum, from the inside. She rubbed it absent-mindedly as she glanced around. She frowned when she saw that Wesley was nowhere in sight.

She pulled herself out of bed and padded to the kitchen, her concern growing when she didn't smell coffee, or hear the rustle of the paper, or the radio playing the classical music they both loved. *They wouldn't have called him in this early, would they?* she wondered. *Not after keeping him so late last night. Besides, I didn't hear the phone ring.*

The panic rose quickly when she opened the door and saw the room as pristine as it had been the night before. No traces of a hasty breakfast, or a post-midnight snack, littered the countertops. *Where is he?* she thought frantically.

Her eyes landed on the single sheet of paper on the table and her heart froze. She fought to breathe while tears crystallized on her lashes, dripping one by one onto the back of her hand as she reached for it.

"My lovely Winifred."

A sob caught in her throat as she read the words aloud. She had to be imagining things. This couldn't be happening.

"I regret so many things in this life. I regret my failures as a Watcher, though I was lucky enough to see my Slayer redeem herself. I regret believing a false prophecy that nearly destroyed all the friendships I held dear. I regret buying those damned leather pants."

She smiled through her tears. *Trust Wes to make me laugh when I'm getting my heart ripped out,* she thought ruefully.

"But I know I will never regret anything more than the pain I'm causing you now. I love you more than my life. That's why I have to leave."

"You bastard!" Fred screamed, breaking down into sobs. "That doesn't make any sense! You love me, so you leave me? Brilliant move!"

She almost threw the letter down, but she couldn't make herself do it. She lowered her eyes to the paper, absorbing the rest of the words.

"There are things in my past you know nothing of, parts of myself that should never be exposed. I can't ask you to be a part of that. And I will never risk hurting you or Cole for my own selfish desires. It's difficult to understand, even more difficult to explain, but trust me when I say that you're better off without me in your life, as Cole will be."

"I pray that as time passes, you can look back on me, our time together, and smile without pain. That the day may come that you don't hate me. And possibly that you could tell my son how very much I love him."

_Oh, when you think of me_  
Remember the way that I used to be  
Remember the times I held you tenderly  
Remember the way that I love you 

_When you think of me_  
Remember the way  
That I love you… 

Fred slid bonelessly into a chair and buried her face in her hands. The tears seeped through her fingers, dripping onto the table, leaving damp, salty spots on the paper. Her gut-wrenching sobs echoed in the heavy silence of the empty house.

And she swore that she would never forgive him.


End file.
